[BOOK I] THUNDERCLOUD RAINSTORM [ENG] — PART 7

There was nothing good in leaving the hospital room in a hurry to sleep at home, because when I got home, I still couldn't sleep. 

This is always be the problem when I accidentally fall asleep in the early evening. Also thanks to this, when I went to work the next day, my eyes were subtly heavy and tired.

The chatter of my co-workers who filled the atmosphere at the lunch break, just passed by my ear like a chirping bird. 

“Back then in high school. I got a letter that write they likes me.” 

“Why is that a love confession, maybe a friendship confession.” 

“No, you can see it. If it's a joke or is it serious. But I'm very curious who wrote it, because it's written anonymously." 

“I even try to compare the handwriting.” 

“This is really awesome. If it was me at that time I would cut out a letter from the newspaper and pasted it at a time.” 

“Wow, that’s a bit strange.” 

Apparently, the experience of being confessed to by the same sex was the main topic of the lunch break. Anyway, I was thinking of a troublesome fellow, but the timing was so.... 

And I, who was sitting at the very edge of the table, quietly poking around with chopsticks, also became a topic of discussion. 

“Isn’t Jeonghan ever been in same situation? I think there must be something.” 

I just smiled without answering. 

“There is.” 

“I feel like I’m bragging.” 

“I don’t think it’s just once or twice."

“Have you ever dated?” This time, a slightly unbearable decibel response flew in. I thought they were TV pro-specialists. Deputy Yoo, who was sitting right next to me, even slapped me somewhere around my forearm and shoulder.

“Crazy, crazy. Our company is conservative!”

“Dr. Yoo, what does individual homosexuality have to do with being conservative in the company?” 

With teasing voice someone spoke, “Jeonghan-ssi, why you're so quiet~ Could it be?” Among the high-pitched voices, I answered immediately. “Of course I like girls.” Then, the atmosphere of the meal suddenly became calm. 

“I feel very relieved even though the steam suddenly disappears.” 

"I know, right. But why are we all so excited all of a sudden?” 

“No, but we have something to reassure of.” “Still, Jeong-han is the best of our team, and if even Jeong-han is the same, then I feel something like that. right?" 

It was fun to watch him ruffle his hair behind his ears while he was absorbed in his meal, and it really made me laugh at the end. Thanks to the sneaky, vague answer, my colleagues didn't dig into my private life any further. I'm not inflexible enough to flirt with this kind of topic, but telling the truth is a different matter...

Actually there time when I have been confessed to by the same sex. Many times too. As I recall, the first time was when I was in high school. The most recent is Il-jo. 

It seems that there were several cases in between, but the reason I have a faint memory now is because those confessions were not meaningful to me. Oh, I still have a strong memory of that one time, when one guy I thought was a real friend confessed that it was difficult to hide his heart anymore. 

It is a disgustingly intense memory. When I brought out old memories that were not very good, I was in a bad mood. In the afternoon, I spent time unraveling the minutes on the keyboard for nothing. I vented my anger at the keyboard, and I wasn't very eccentric to humans, but the poor interns were at a loss.

And right after work, I went to the hospital to pick up Il-jo. This is because the schedule was arranged to go through discharge procedures, prepare for surgery, and then return to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, Il-jo had already taken off his patient uniform and was waiting for me to change his clothes. That was commendable, but because I was in a bad mood, he had to keep an eye on me the whole time. 

“Did you have a hard time at work?” 

“I don't have to tell you.” Having said that, Il-jo kept his mouth shut. Weak guy. 

Being self aware, Il-jo got into my car. He seemed to feel pressured by the silence. Being alone with me made him feel uncomfortable, but I didn't feel good either. Even though I created this kind of atmosphere.

When I went to the hospital on the road to the hospital with my luggage for surgery and hospitalization, he said “I can take a taxi, so you can rest at home.” 

"Taxi? Are you going to the hospital alone?” "Yes… .” 

Because I'm a crooked person, I laughed at that statement and said, 'That's why you can't raise money.' Then I forced Il-jo, who looked depressed, to get into my car again. He couldn't take care of me like this on the day of the operation, so I threw him into the hospital room, nagging like he was benevolent. 

After that, I felt better that day and could sleep comfortably. 

Anyway, Il-jo completely removed the gallbladder. Surgery was an unavoidable option because the gallbladder was already in a state where the gallbladder was not functioning properly due to gallstones. Although laparoscopic surgery is said to be a simple procedure and you can return to your daily activities within a week, what doctors say is usually exaggerated. Especially when it comes to recovery. When it comes to returning to normal activities, doctors usually mean being able to walk on two legs. It will take a lot more time than that to completely return to the previous state and reach a level where you can eat regular meals without having to worry about strenuous exercise and menus. 

As a result, Il-jo was hospitalized for a week after the operation and rested for two more weeks at home. Of course, I was the one who told him to do that. However, I didn't know that because of that, both of the part-time jobs that Il-jo had previously worked were cut off.

"Fired?” In response to my question, Il-jo nodded with a dazed expression on his face. "Yes." 

“Didn’t you take leave of absence?” 

“They don’t give part-timers that long of a leave.” 

Was this the reason why he felt troubled when I told him to rest for two more weeks? I felt a bit guilty because I thought it was because of me that the socially disadvantaged people lost their jobs. 

“You should've told me.” 

"I can get it again.” 

“Foolish, foolish.” At my words, Il-jo laughed hehehe. There is a saying 'a man without a liver or a gallbladder' are foolish. A real example of that word was right before my eyes. Il-jo has become a real useless person. 

“But it’s really good now. Can you see the scar?” Saying that, Il-jo hoisted up his T-shirt.

What do you want me to see? I narrowed my eyes and looked into his clean belly. "here." There was only a tiny pink scar left on his upper stomach, as Il-jo pointed with his finger. While admiring modern medical technology, I also marveled at the insensitivity of Il-jo to expose his body in front of the man he had a crush on. 

“Can I touch it?” Il-jo nodded his head. I stretched out my index finger and poked the scar. His bare skin, touching the tip of his skin with my finger, it was soft. 

When Il-jo bent a little bit, the scar part was indented like a small dimple. “I’m fine now.” In any case, it is fortunate that the disease has been relieved.

It was time to stand up with that thought. As I watched Il-jo take down his t-shirt, I suddenly thought of a certain possibility. Maybe I was tempted I looked at Il-jo suspiciously. 

“Are you do this anywhere?” 

"what?" 

Do you take off your clothes like that anywhere? However, Rijo had an expression that he did not understand.

“it's nothing… .” 

Feeling uneasy, I left his room. Anyway, after Il-jo was discharged from the hospital, outwardly, not much had changed between us. Except for more bruises*

*he felt bad. 

In front of Il-jo, I don't have to tremble with pretense that I don't even want, and it's convenient because I can reveal my true personality, I can be myself...but as the time went, I feel like I am losing my humanity.

So I decided to find some good work and do it. The easiest is money. Increased support for UNICEF. I also sent donations to dig a well in Cambodia. And when the day came when he had to go to the hospital, I would pick him up on my way to work and drop him off at a nearby hospital. In other words, all of this was on the same level for me. Sponsorship, or Redemption. At that moment I realized, now the mutual consideration we had in the past is no longer established. No matter what I do to him, it will only be a one-sided good deed from my side. After Il-jo kissed me, our relationship changed. 

I gobble up, and the guy looks at me. I thought that we would be stuck in this state for a long time to come. From my point of view, I have nothing to be uncomfortable about. Because I'm used to the position of the cape. Anyway, carrying Il-jo in the passenger seat is now as familiar to me as sponsoring UNICEF. In particular, when the day came when he was receiving medical treatment, I would pick him up on the way to work and drop him off at the hospital. 

“Then see you later.” 

“Yeah, I’ll get off first. work hard at work..." 

The car behind us honked their horn while Il-jo unbuckled his seat belt. Surprised, Il-jo hurriedly got off and entered the hospital building. The horn sounded once more while I waited for the Il-jo to fully enter before stepping on the accelerator again. Another thing that has changed. Instead of buying take-out food on the way home from work, as I used to, I called out Il-jo whenever I felt like it. When I sent a text message to a restaurant near the company asking him to come on time by 6:15 pm, Il-jo ran with his cheeks flushed. I said, 'You can only order from two people worth here.'* 

*they have minimum amount to be spent there. 

Saying that, the guy struggled to hide his gloomy expression and swallowed the rice without saying a word. Sometimes, I felt sorry for him. 

But it improve my mood when I brought along this pitiful guy around. Going shopping together, or taking him to the shop I go to when I think he need a haircut. 

“Let’s go by car. I'll drive you there. It’s close to my office"

“I’m fine… .” 

“It’s not good for people eyes. Get your hair trimmed in time.” It was like giving me a pin cup and giving him a haircut that included scalp care as I wanted. If I'm fussing around when I'm paying, Il'jo pulls his card out of the wallet at a slower speed than a slug with a grim face. 

I belatedly took my card  and told him I would pay. I was planning on paying from the start, but I just like seeing him having a hard time. It was when we're on the way to go to the shop and eat dinner at a nearby restaurant. Il-jo, who had been staring out the window the whole time, asked. “Why are you being nice to me?” 

A sigh came out of nowhere. I thought I was being grumpy. “This amount of kindness is what I would do for a dog I don't even know.” 

"A dog… .” 

"That's right. You've lived a really hard life. There must've not been many people who treats you well.” At my words, Il-jo was speechless and stared at the window—this time in front—with a bewildered look. It was difficult to tell whether that expression was shock or resentment. After a while, Il-jo opened his mouth. It was a surprisingly well-organized sentence. “I know I was stupid and made you uncomfortable. It's natural for you to be angry. But I got confused because it seems like you didn't really hate me. You originally told me to leave the house right away.” 

Oh, I said that. I completely forgot. 

“So, what do you want to say? Did I mislead you?” 

“No, you did nothing wrong. It's confusing because I'm stupid." 

I didn't respond at all because, I didn't want to put more bruise on the person who admitted that he was stupid with his own mouth.

Instead, I took a more certain way so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea any more. 

There's no more choice than started dating. 

*** 

T. Note : JH just such a contradiction person, tbh I kinda know why he act like that, but still...

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