[BOOK 1] THUNDERCLOUD RAINSTORM [ENG] — PART 6

As soon as I pushed the door into the hospital room, I saw a surprised rabbit-like face. 

“Did you not see the text?” 

"Message? Oh, I didn't see the phone. The battery is dead.” 

"Forget it. It was nothing.” Come to think of it, I was in a hurry to go to the emergency room in the morning, so I didn't even have the energy to pack a charger. 

“They said I have to stay until tomorrow.” 

I looked down at him with eyes asking what to do. “Are you going to pay for hospitalization?”

“I will.” 

“I feel less sick now, I think I can go home. And the surgery… .” 

That's nonsense. He was talking nonsense because the hospitalization fee was too much for him to handle, “You're not going to do it? Because you have no money?” 

Il-jo raised his head after hearing my question and looked at me. He seemed to be wondering how I knew. Stupid, your reaction just show it all. “Even If you don’t do it now, shouldn’t you be doing it at some point?” 

“It's true but… .” I sat down on the sofa, crossed my arms, and think : don't be angry even if you're upset. Let's think it with cool head. 

My uncle was a good man. He was the only person in our family who could I get close with as a decent human being. It is meaningful to me that such a result was achieved even after fighting both my father and my grandfather. And first of all, Lee Il-jo is not a sly guy. He just annoying and pathetic, but...come to think of it, I've already been in more annoying relationship than this. 

It's all my fault—sighed lightly— Until my early twenties, I kindly explained the reasons for refusal to those who confessed their love to me without thinking one by one. 

I didn't do it later, so it can be said that I was particularly passionate when I was young. And to me it's just like that, Seungjae said this with a tired expression on his face. 

'Reject with kind words, please.' 

'What's a good word?' 

'Just a pretense. If you're keep living like that, you really going to be stabbed in the street someday.' 

It was a pretty realistic guess. Because the people rejected by me, regardless of gender, acted as if they were possessed by evil. But I ended up not listening to that advice. At the time, I didn't know what the psychology of wanting to be more cruel to those who liked me was, but later my friends summed it up in one sentence: 'you're just a bad person.' 

But at least I said it kindly. I don't mean to laugh and tell you to turn off your feelings. What's more, confession that the other person does not want is violence, so I calmly explained that and make clear to myself that I should watch my eyes carefully, flirt in moderation, and develop a sense to backup when I feel something is up between the two of us and the other seems like they want to confess. 

'Because of you doing this, we won't be able to remain as friends. So it's all your fault for ruining it.' 

When I said that as if I had intended to remain as a friend, the other party burst into tears. Some say I'm cruel, but I think they were more cruel and thoughtless. Who abruptly invaded the life of a person who lives peacefully in his own territory with a reasonable distance? And what Il-jo did compared to them was not too bad. As I realized yesterday, I was also the first one who  break the line. 

“I’m too tired to going home. I'll just buy a new charger.” When I got up from my seat with my wallet, Il-jo rose and followed me. I was still holding my chin to see if I had any stamina left.

“I will buy it with  my money. I have a card.”

I know he has no money, but I just let him follow along. There was silence as we rode the elevator to the convenience store in the basement of the hospital. I could feel his gaze looking at my side face, but I pretended not to noticed. It seems that Lee Il-jo had never learn such a thing as secretly spying on people. 

Because he look at people quite blatantly. I opened my mouth first before getting off the elevator. 

“Do the surgery. I will lend you money.” 

At my words, Il-jo was timid and asked. "Why?

 “What do mean why? Are you not planning on paying me back?” 

"No. That's not what I meant.” This time, I stared at Il-jo's face from my side. Then, as if he was speechless, he hurriedly avoided my gaze. I openly looked at Il-jo's side profile. The boy's complexion were getting redder. 

"Why… Why are you looking at me?” 

“You can look at me, but I can't?” 

Then he was stunned and didn't say anything. You need to know that, that guy catches people's gaze sooner than you think. As soon as I reached the basement and the door opened, I got off first. Find the charger first at the convenience store, and then as I approached the cashier with snacks such as coffee and chocolate in hand, Il-jo was already waiting for me with a wallet in hand. 

I pretended I didn't see him and handed out my card. said in a low voice. “Because I live...”

"Cashless payment.” With a light pint glass, Il-jo stepped back without saying a word. I seemed to know his expression even without looking at him. 

Seeing that there was no reaction for saving a few bucks like I imagine, I wondered if he had a bit of pride. 

“Just take it. You bought me coffee, too.” 

"when?" 

“At the funeral home.” 

"Ah… .” 

Il-jo lightly touched his ear as if he had just found a cause to except it. At that time, I was not able to go to the funeral until the day after my uncle died. And after the ceremony was over, it was not too late to intervene in the place to see the last appearance of the entrance. 

It was when the relatives went down to the entrance hall to say their final goodbyes to the dead. An unknown face stood among familiar relatives. I didn't know at the time that it was a contributing factor. 

The only thing that caught my eye was that no one was crying, except him who was alone with his eyes wide open. Tears were running down his cheeks, which were white and fluffy on top of her calm expression. 

Relatives placed flowers one by one on uncle's body in order and left the entrance hall. Some said a brief prayer, and some sighed heavily.

Finally, when it was the boy's turn, he did not put flowers on it, but grabbed his uncle's chest and collapsed in place. 

'Who is this sad?' A sad sob escaped the man's mouth. However, no one comforted him and I was felt bad to see such a scene. 

Relatives simply looked down at him with cold eyes. Moments later, the undertaker managed to help the man up. At that time, I still don't know whether Il-jo's tears were resentment towards the person who left him alone, or the sadness of parting. 

And as I was walking out of the entrance hall and walking down the hallway, Il-jo called me first. 

'Jeonghan-ah. there… How have you been?' The reason I paused at the unexpected voice and looked down at the guy whose name I couldn't remember for a long time was because of the dull expression that had wiped away the tears from before. 'Oh, yes. A long time no see.' 

I thought I saw the face somewhere, but I couldn't remember the name quickly, so it was difficult. Whether he knows me or not, he said he would buy me a can of coffee and led me to the canteen attached to the funeral home. And only then did I properly remember Il-jo's name.

Lee Il-jo, that sleazy cousin. 

 ‘Jeonghan-ah, drink something. what you want to eat... I'll buy it for you.' At that time, without thinking, I picked a 3,000 won cold brew, and Il-jo chose a 700 won canned coffee. At the checkout counter, when Il-jo swipe his card, a balance notification popped up on his cell phone. While I was thinking whether the amount I had been looking at unintentionally was 12.7 million won or so, Il-jo put back his cell phone to his pocket. It was only after I found out about Il-jo's circumstances later that I found out that the latter amount was correct. The situation with the cards that Iljo currently has in his hand will not be much different. It's really just 1.27 million that he have at the age of thirty. I'm short of breath. One of the reasons that led him to my house after a while was also because of that. 

“Do you want to buy anything else?” Il-jo shook his head at my question. I had the urge to ask how much he have now, but I held back. 

We went back to the hospital room. Unlike when going down, the elevator now was full of people, so conversations were cut off naturally.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, I took off my suit jacket, hung it on the armrest of the sofa, and leave it. I pulled out the watch and laid down on the sofa, turned on the TV, and Il-jo stood still and looked at me. 

"Why?" 

“Are you going to sleep here?” 

I shook my head. “I can’t sleep in an uncomfortable place.” 

“Then do you want to sleep here?” What Il-jo was pointing to was the patient bed. I asked absurdly. “What do you see me as? You want me to take the patient's bed?” 

“Ah, It’s not that, but...because you lent me money for the hospital bills… .” 

“Don’t think too much. I just going to rest a bit and then go home." 

Il-jo rolled over a blanket, and sat down with difficulty, as if receiving an uncomfortable guest. It seems he still doesn't understand, so I added in an annoyed voice. “Later don’t drink kimchi soup again. Also, how can I sleep in a room with you? How can I trust you... And when I'm sleeping, just don't do weird things..." Having said that, I fell asleep on the sofa. 

It maybe because the TV program that was on at the time was terribly boring. My last memory is that I forcibly fixed my gaze on the TV while ignoring Il-jo's gaze, which had a somewhat  unfair expression. When I opened my eyes again, it was already dark inside the hospital room. 

I lay like a stone statue, staring at the ceiling, and stiffened for a while. 'I slept a lot.' And when I looked at the clock, I was astonished. Three o'clock in the morning. I got down and slept for 6 hours. As soon as I got up from my upper body, something flew down from my chest. It was a thin blanket. 

“Is he stupid?" Turning my gaze back to the patient's bed, I wonder if Il-jo was sleeping on the bed, curled up without a blanket. He covered me with his blanket. But there must be a separate blanket for the guardian. That's why people who have used a single-person room should use it. I roughly threw a blanket over the crouched body and headed to the bathroom. Wet my face with water and examine it thoroughly in the mirror. 

I'm just staring at my lips. It was a perfect situation to do weird things, but I hope nothing special happened. 

I left the bathroom after clearing my thought. I closed the door as quietly as possible, but when I came out, Il-jo was awake.

“I’ll be back after work tomorrow, so wait at the hospital.” 

“…why?" 

“I have to pay the bill anyways." 

“Are you going now?” 

“I have to change my clothes.” I slept like that, but I yawn again. It's like taking a nap in an uncomfortable place. He threaded his arm through the jacket that was hanging on the hanger. 

Il-jo asked stupidly. "Change?" 

“There will be rumors start if I going to work wearing the same clothes, that I slept out.” 

But did I hang my clothes here before going to bed? I was desperate to go home and sleep properly. I pushed the door out of the hospital room without saying goodbye. After walking just five steps in the silent hallway... I turned back again with a click sound of the door. When I opened the door, Il-jo was still sitting and looking at me in the same pose as before the door closed. 

"What you looking at? I left my watch.” 

"Ah… .” 

Il-jo did not hide his disappointment. What did you expect? The strange audacity subsided again. So I tried to leave the room without saying goodbye again this time. It was just before I left the room Il-jo said in a crawling voice. “Aren’t you feeling bad?” 

"What?" 

I stopped and looked back at him. As soon as our eyes met, he immediately looked down in regret. "no." 

“What, why you stop?  what is it?" As I closed the door again and strode to the bed, he bit his lips as if frightened. A long shadow fell beneath him as I stood tall and seemed to devour Il-jo's body. 

But here it is again. Acting like you are the victim. 

“Hey, aren’t you feeling bad? I… .” 

"What?" 

“I told you… .” 

I knew what Il-jo was trying to ask. You have more courage than you think. I thought he wanted to completely forget what happen on that day. But, it isn't? The back of Il-jo's hand, holding the blanket needlessly tight, was trembling to the point that it was hard to not  notice. “Il-jo ya” As I quietly called his name, his sunken eyelashes trembled. “Do you know that you are not the only man who ever said they liked me?” 

“…huh?" 

"You don’t know what I’m trying to do is act as if nothing happened? Be smart.” 

Il-jo looked up at me with a dull expression on his face. Before our eyes met, I turned around first. “I'm going first.” This time, I completely closed the door to the hospital room and walked out of the hallway. I don't know why, but I got a feeling that Il-jo would sit quietly for a while, looking at the closed door in the same posture as before. 

Prev | TOC | Next