[BOOK I] THUNDERCLOUD RAINSTORM [ENG] — PART 4

When I arrived, it was dark inside the house. I got more angry at the fact that he wasn't there to welcome me even though I already told him to wait for me and not sleep. Of course, it was already late when I sent the text, so there is a possibility that he fell asleep without checking it. But I'm sure Il-jo saw my text. He knew the phone call, but he must have not answered it because he was afraid. 

I stood there until the sensor light in the front door light-up. Just right after that I heard the door open quietly from somewhere inside the dark house. I stuck my hands in my pockets and waited for Il-jo to come closer. 

“….”

A light wave of the hand turned on the sensor an illuminate the room. I was surprised to the point of leaping in place when I found he was already standing in the front door. 

“Aren’t you even saying hello?” 

"... hi.” 

He bowed down and greeted as for welcoming me, and I strode towards the kitchen. As I pulled out the chair and sat down, Il-jo quickly poured the water. 

It was lukewarm water. 

“Give me cold water.” 

Soon that glass of water was filled with ice. After lingering around the table for a while, Il-jo finally took a seat in front of me and sat down.

He looked very nervous. His face was pale, and his clasped hands were visibly trembling. Why would you do such a stupid thing if you would regret it so much? 

Why did you have to do it even though you knew that awkward situations would happen? 

I took a deep breath. At the sound of exaggerated sighs that I did not intend to hide, Il-jo's head faltered more down. 

“Do you like men?” 

Yes or no. 

Even though it was an easy answer for either of them, Il-jo still took time. After a while, "I think so." an unsure voice crawled out. 

“Out of all people, why it has to must be me?” 

"Sorry." 

“I don’t want to hear an apology.” 

Even though I said that with a smile, Il-jo shook his shoulders like a hunted deer foal. 

“What did I misunderstand?” Il-jo shook his head. He just wanted to get away. The more he behaves like he feeling bad, I pushed him even harder. 

“Can’t you understand me? So you don't know what to do now?" 

“… .” 

“Don’t keep your mouth shut, don’t lie, and be honest about why you did it.”

Il-jo, who was overly frightened by my unfamiliar tone of voice, was now sweating in a cold sweat. 

"answer me." 

"Yes… .” 

“Just that?” 

Then Il-Jo barely looked into my eyes and forced his words out. His lips trembled and his breathing was irregular. 

“I, I fell in love too fast, it just like that. I don’t know why.” 

“… .” 

“Also when you asked to live together...that's the reason why I refused. There is no one around me as handsome as you. Of course, I didn’t like the idea because I thought I would fall in love with you.” 

This was surprising. He was a little bit self-objectivizing.

“Actually, I was going to leave today.” Saying that, Il-jo wiped away his tears. His sleeves were wet because of it, but his expression didn't look like he was crying at all. So I didn't know he was crying or not. 

Come to think of it, I had seen his face like this once before. It's a face that doesn't show expression even when you cry. Except for the eyelashes that were clogged with tears. 

“I want to apologize again. I waited because I thought I should apologize. Uh, yesterday was unpleasant. you've been nice to me. I'm very sorry." 

“You are really something.” 

I stared at Il-jo with pity. As if the gaze had physical power, Il-jo had a painful expression on his face. 

It cannot be a life without answers. even gay there was a question I personally had with Il-jo.

With no wealth, no education, no job, such a gloomy future, what kind of woman will this guy meet, and whether there is a woman he can meet even though he knows the circumstances of Il-Jo. 

There are people who are attracted to their looks that they can look up to, so dating might be possible in moderation. But marriage would be unreasonable. I heard that even people who don't love each other somehow could manage to live together, but I couldn't imagine it with my limited knowledge. But my backstory was really useless. 

For this guy, marrying a woman was impossible in the first place. Soon, the discomfort that I felt before had completely subsided. Is it because he answered honestly as I asked, or when he showed a flat-faced attitude according to the subject?

I don't know if it's a door that lead to something. What certain is that the moment I saw him cry, my heart began to calm down. 

I said in a much softer voice than before. “Anyway, it’s unreasonable to stay together like this… I don't have any prejudice, but if I'm the target, it's not okay." As I muttered while patting the table with my fingers, Il-Jo nodded helplessly. 

“Get out as soon as possible. It's a little late right now, so maybe tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll leave before you go to work."

“Up to you.” 

Then Il-jo let out a faint sigh of relief. like it's all over now. The boy's attitude quickly subsided again. 

But I didn't like the act of just wanting to get away from me quickly. If you had a major accident, all you have to do is to put it down, get away from this momentary uncomfortable situation, and just run away? 

But I never showed my feelings again. Talking about psychological damage and suffocating it felt really miserable. 

"I'll probably should contact cleaning services agent again” As I muttered with an annoyed look, guilty look appeared on Il-jo's face. 

“I’m sorry, because of me....” 

“I just cut off a person who has been here for three years. It’s hard to find someone that suits me like that. ” 

“… I did not know. Can you contact them back?” 

“I don’t know. It is highly likely that the company will send someone else.” All the things that I thought were okay until yesterday were all being a mess and that's annoying. I standing up from my seat looking down at the guilt-ridden Il-jo. 

“I'll going to sleep. Hope you'll leave safely tomorrow." 

Il-jo didn't answer. His head bowed down seemed very helpless. Perhaps in the future, Il-jo will not contact me with reasons such as 'just remembering'. I don't know when Il-jo returned to his room. When I went to the bathroom to wash, Il-jo was still sitting at the table.

My shoulders were sagging a lot and at dawn, when I got out of the room to drink water, I heard a strange noise. It was the sound that leaked out between Il-jo's rooms. 

“Ugh, ahh… .” 

As soon as I heard the sobbing that was close to the sound of a moan, goosebumps rose up in my arms. I'm not really crazy, but this...it's not like he's consoling himself by commemorating the farewell. 

I was really irritated and angry, as the door swung open. I didn't want to see a man masturbating. I just wanted to put shame on this crazy guy. 

“What are you...?” 

"Ah… Ahh.” 

The first thing that caught my eye as soon as I turned on the light was Il-jo's pale face. The boy was tossing and turning in the blanket, sweating with a white face as if he had bleached his face.

I was in a dazed for a sec but I quickly realized that what was happening under that blanket wasn't what I imagined it to be. 

I moved closer to his bed. He just looked up at me with frightened eyes. But what was reflected in those eyes was not the fear he felt at the man who had just kicked him. His eyes are like begging to be saved. 

“Are you okay?”

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